:+: Difficulties to write again :+:

It been quite sometime that after last entry that i was trying to put words on my finger but nothing came up... I felt soo frustrated on how i have been..*i cn't no longer be a writer who could wrote a long essay and stuff..Sad*. It make me reflect on myslf wat have i done tiz time which make my words soo stiff and have no feeling at all*since i cn't expressed my feeling well and could write it to the limit of real*. i keep on asking until i remmber abt how UkhT Nurul saying during d nxtday of bbQ " Stop making Sin, because d sin would stop us from doing goodstuff"-- she was saying tz advice bcause she was sharing wat she had heard in d radio how imam *huhuhu i forgot his name, but basically he's one of the 4 imam besar* well leave dat 4 now basically d imam was quite good in hafalan n etc but for some period of time the imam cudn't longer do hafalan as good as b4 so he when to see another imam and tell him abt what he was facing.. d imam told him " Berhentilah buat maksiat kerana maksiat itulah yang menjadi punca kenapa Allah tidak mengizinkan lalunya kebaikkan" n d problematic imam did wat have been told and soon after he finally got into his original form...

huh?? wat relate d above story with me?? hmmph bcz it's d same as me tz day *im reflecting myslf* bcz i made sins tiz few days hence dat's y im totally a mess. I cudn't write, do thing properly, i also hv a v.hot temper recently+ my time gone totally a waste doing stupid and jahiliah stuff more worse is dat my mind is totally a mess *astagfirullah,masya'Allah...what hv i done to myslf* d worse part of all is i cn't do my MA properly...

It scared me.. rily does bcz it in d sense make me wanna say hello~hv i ever feel d fear to Allah doing all those sin?? . I cn't write a good words because my heart itslf is unsettle..my iman itself is unsettle...i cn't settle because my amal is also unsettle. It make me sad not because i cud't write but d fact dat my condition ryte now is not the ryte cndition to face people with a good example... n it's not a condition which i wanna present infront of Allah...*unsettled*

I wouldn't say it's ok to continue living like this bcause it's a nuisance..Iman mmg ada turun dan naiknya but setiap turun iman itu pastikan naiknya adalah lebih tinggi dari naik sebelumnya.. Hence Trying to improve is d only solution...Sungguh Allah Maha Penerima Taubat..

* a doa in d heart *

Back to Allah because there's everything dat a person could always have been confidence in doing kerana salah satu dri hak Allah ialah kita kembali kepada-Nya dalam sgala hal dan urusan..

Assalamualaikum....